This is a summary of,
The secrets to the love that lasts
by Dr Gary Chapman
Ever been in a relationship where it seems like the maximum effort you put to please your partner does not seem to be enough?
Where no matter what you do, they keep feeling frustrated and unloved.
This could be so frustrating, but the reason they are feeling unloved is simply because you are not speaking their LOVE LANGUAGE.
The premise of the book by Dr Gary Chapman is that people don’t give and receive Love the same way.
Most of us think the way we want to be loved is how others want to be loved. But this is not the case as there are five love languages.
Love languages are so important and You need to know how you and your Partner both give and receive love.
The five love languages are:
Words of affirmation
"You looked nice today'’, “I love you”, "Thanks for putting the kids to bed" are some examples of verbal expressions of care and affection.
If these words are so dear to you then Words of Affirmations is your love language.
People who have these love language also tend to detest Insults.
Quality Time
As important as quality time and undivided attention are in a relationship,some people tend to cherish it more than others- people whose love language is quality time will feel that even more keenly, and crave time where both people are present without distraction.
If this is the love language of your partner then try to always be available, try to listen to their problems, cancelled or postponed dates also hurt, as well as being distracted or distant.
Receiving gifts
To this type, its the thoughts that counts- its not about the value of the gift.
They see Gifts as a sign of love and thought, no matter how Tangible and intangible the items might look, it makes them feel appreciated or noticed.
If your partner falls under this category then, the absence of everyday gestures or missing a special occasion is particularly hurtful and could harm them.
Acts Of service
Doing something helpful or kind for your partner. Like Waking up with the baby in the middle of the night or doing the chores around the house or errands that ease the burden of responsibility are the loving characteristics of this love language.
If your partner favors acts of service try not to break commitments, being lazy can also make feel unloved.
Physical touch
Physical expressions of love, whether sexual or more platonic, such as holding hands, a back scratch, a hug, a kiss, or sex.
The absence of such can leave these individuals feeling isolated in a relationship.
Do you love hugs, holding hands, and thoughtful touches the most? Is there physical presence crucial to you?
Any kind of neglect or abuse would destroy this type of person
Gary Chapman said in his book that “the key to a lasting relationship is learning love languages”. Try to know these love languages,and figure out the one that stands out for you and your partner.
You can like every type of love language, but you need to figure out the one that stands out for you.
You can take a quiz to know your love language at: https://www.5lovelanguages.com/ to help discover yours, or your partner's in case you're having a tough time figuring it out.
